Craigs Dead Pool Tips and Tricks
Well, boys, it's the beginning of the holiday season - and nothing says holiday cheer to me as much as "Time to prepare next year's death pool."
Now, unlike Craig, I celebrate my ghoulishness. I think it is a lot more respectable than, say, local football fan. Death pool participants aren't expected to dress like either clones or clowns. In the death pool season, every death REALLY DOES count. And unlike the arbitrariness of the BCS, the death pool has hard and fast rankings backed by rational rules and a real commissioner. So I consider the death pool a much superior competition.
In fact, my goal each and every season is to outperform the Cornhuskers in the final rankings. Last season was a nail-biter - I barely made the top 25, but was saved when "we" tanked in the bowl game. And although I'm tenuously clinging to # 9 heading into what is normally a deadly final six weeks of the season, it seems the locals are killing their last hopes quicker than Zsa Zsa Gabor is losing functional organs.
So I'd like to urge all your listeners to join the fun. This week I'll be busy as usual on Black Friday - meaning a day of Internet research and analysis of my competitors' lists. Craig always keeps his tactical approach close to the vest, but for all you prospective first-timers, I'll throw out some basic suggestions:
1. Liver and pancreatic cancer are horrible, horrible diseases (but high yield for hits).
2. Stay away from stroke victims (except when they are black and relatively young) and ALS victims (at least for the first three years after diagnosis).
3. If the celebrity is over eighty and shows up on 80% of the top ten lists in the past two years of the contest - that's known as a defensive pick.
And finally, Ariel Sharon will outlive your children.
So get to work, rookies. And to all my fellow ghouls, Happy Thanksgiving!
love and sympathy,
Playmates for Jesus